No jokes and riddles

I like to talk to people, and I pride myself on the ability to get a conversation going with just about anyone. And it doesn’t matter if I talk to a guest at our place or to a total stranger in the grocery checkout line.

Of course, starting a conversation is just one thing; to keep it going it takes another interested party. Some people are just not very talkative and since I don’t want to press on, I give up as soon as I get no meaningful response.

Sometimes it happens that the other person is more than willing to talk, but soon I am the one who wants to get out of it. This for instance occurs when I’m facing a big talker. You probably know what I mean; they make more money than anyone else, their cars are faster, their kids are smarter, etc.

I have a cousin who is like that. He used to visit my dad and I and all night we had to listen to his over the top heroics. And with each passing hour his tales became wilder. I think nobody could blame us for making excuses so he would stop coming over.

And then there are the ones who insist on using foul language. It is amazing how many, especially young people, there are that cannot build a single sentence without using the F* word at least once. For them I have a simple message: If you can’t talk to me properly then don’t talk to me at all. A few times I hit some guy with that statement, and they all reacted like I was the one being rude.

It can get worse though. There are some individuals who like to tell jokes. Now I don’t mind a good joke, as long as it is genuinely funny. And it has to be fresh, some of them I have heard I don’t know how many times over the last two decades.

The company sent me out to get a truck and I had to ride the bus to El Paso. As soon as I sat down at the Greyhound terminal a middle-aged gentleman took the next seat. First, he seemed to be nice enough but then the jokes started, and they were absolutely not funny. I wanted to be polite, so I tried to come up with some sort of smile every now and then. I probably shouldn’t have done that because I’m sure it encouraged him to continue.

Then after a while it was time for some riddles: Do you know the difference between…. That is stuff for kids, not for grown-ups and there is very little that annoys me more than that. Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer, so I just told him that I had to go to the restroom. I stayed there for a long time, hoping that in the meantime the pesky gentleman would find another victim. No such luck, as soon as I re-appeared, he jumped on me again like a dog on a T-bone. Do you know……

A few minutes later the loudspeaker announced boarding of the bus to Los Angeles. He hastily said goodbye and disappeared into the crowd. The sigh of relief I let out could be heard within a 20-foot radius. I realized though how lucky I was that he wasn’t traveling on the same bus. If he had been, I’m sure I would have stopped him in his tracks at some point, even if I had to be rude about it. And being rude is not in my nature.

Next time I meet someone who starts telling riddles I will have for him too: Do you know what the difference is between a very annoying person and one who tells riddles? Answer: There is no difference. Have a good day.

They don’t get it.

Many years ago, I worked for an auction company and frequently I would visit the homes of potential customers and give them an appraisal.

Every now and then something like this would happen.

Me: Before I give you my figure what do you think the market value is?

Client: No clue. I have absolutely no idea what it could sell for.

Me: To my best knowledge I would say that it will probably go for between $1,500 and $2,000.

Client: That's all? I thought it would be at least $3,000.

Me: Wait a minute. You just told me that you have absolutely no idea of its market value.

Client: Well, I don't. But I do know that it should be more than what you are saying.

Or how about this one?

Me: I estimate it will sell for between $2,500 and $3,500.

Client: So, we can get $3,500 of it you think?

Me: Like I said, I estimate it is between $2,500 and & 3,500.

Client: But there’s a good chance it will be $3,500.

Me: There is also a chance it will be $2,500.

Client: How big is the chance that it will be $3,500.

Me: There is no answer to that question. Auction prices depend on a number of factors, some of which we have no control over. We know the item, the current market and we have years of experience. Based on those we make an appraisal which is not an exact science. Sometimes an item sells for way more than the appraised value, simply because there are two, or more, bidders who want it.

And it also happens that the interest in an item is lackluster, and it goes for less than we expected.

Client: So, can it also be more than $3,500?

Me: Yes, but that would be an exception, don’t count on it.

Client: If we can get $4,000 for I’ll be happy.

Me: I think your expectations are too high. May be you should just keep it. I like to do business, but there is a 85% chance that you will be a dissatisfied customer.

Ungrateful people.

Many years ago, I worked for a small auction company, selling art, antiques, collectibles, and household goods.

It was one of my most interesting jobs and I stayed there for 10 years. It was hard work, physically demanding and I met a lot of interesting people.

One day my boss, the owner of the company, asked me to pick up some ceramics that he had appraised at someone’s house. The owners were pleased with a possible $3500 in proceeds and decided to sell all of it.

I made an appointment and as always, I took the necessary moving materials with me. However, when I arrived, the items were already boxed up and ready to go. The husband told me that he had decided to get some boxes from a moving company and pack everything up so they could put them safely out of the way.

He did have a request though, he asked if he could have a few of my boxes since they had some other stuff to move. I gladly handed him all he wanted, wrapping paper included. As I remember I gave him eight boxes and traded them for the five that contained the items for the auction.

The auction was a few weeks later and their goods sold very well; in fact, the total selling price was close to $7000. Nearly double what it had been appraised for.

A few days later I got a phone call from the husband. It went through my head that he was going to express his happiness with the result.
I was wrong, totally wrong. The man was madder than a hornet and for a strange reason. He complained that he never got his five boxes back, boxes that he had bought for $4 apiece.

After he calmed down a bit, I managed to get through to him and put him in his place. 

“First of all, I’m not going to make a 40-mile round trip to return 5 empty boxes. Besides, you didn’t tell me that you wanted them back. At the same time, I gave you eight boxes, so why are you complaining? And on top of that, your items sold for nearly double the amount you expected so you really don’t have a reason to complain about $20.”

He still muttered a little bit and ended up saying that he would never do business with us again.

I shook my head and reported it to my boss. “Some people you cannot please, no matter what you do,” he said. That is true of course, but I can’t get met head around the fact that someone can be so ungrateful, irrational, and unreasonable.

To this day I have trouble with people who show those character traits, I guess I will never get used to it.

I will stop and help if needed.

Every now and then you will see someone on the side of the road who seems to have some kind of trouble. It could be just a flat tire or maybe being out of gas.

Many people, if not most, will not pay attention to a person in need and won’t stop and offer help. The motive for that is a familiar one: It is risky because it may be a trap.

That is true of course, some people have been robbed, physically attacked, and even killed on such an occasion.
I stop when I can, despite the risk, and see if I can help. Not only  do I think that helping someone in need is the right thing to do but I also have my experience of being on the other side.

Many years ago, I was out and about doing some sightseeing and photography. I walked down a slight incline toward the road when I tripped. In my fall I already knew something was terribly wrong, I felt my right ankle snapping.

I landed on the side of the road, just a few feet from the pavement, with my ankle at an odd angle.
It happened before the age of cell phones and the only thing I could do was to flag down someone who could find a phone and call  for an ambulance.

There was little traffic in the area but there were some cars going by. I waved and gestured for help, some drivers looked at me and just kept going.

Then two guys on bicycles came around the corner. I thought they would stop for sure but they didn’t. They looked at me, passed me within just a few feet and kept going while talking to each other, probably about me.

There was a school on the other side of the road, a few hundred feet from where I was. Kids were playing and a few teachers were there as well.
I yelled for help, they responded slowly by looking in my direction, even pointing at me. And no one came over to see what the problem was.

Never before in my life had I felt so helpless. 

Finally, after about 30 minutes, an elderly couple on foot stopped and asked what I needed. They promised to call for medical assistance and at a slow pace they disappeared around the bend.

Soon after they showed up in their own car offering to take me to the hospital. It was well intended, but not a good idea.
I needed professional help and they drove off, looking for a phone.

About 15 minutes later the ambulance arrived and the first thing  the paramedics asked was whether I had insurance or not.
Luckily, I had insurance and I asked them what they what do if I had not. Just leave me here? They didn’t answer.

Finally, after 45 minutes on the side of the road, I was on my way to the hospital.

Since then, I stop when I see someone who may need help because I know what it is like to be ignored.